I Am Not a Crook

With the exception of a heart or two, lots of glances, and a few ounces from my Daddy's whiskey bottle when I was sixteen, I've never stolen a thing in my life! 

So I was at a party last night.  Not a party really, but a 25th Anniversary Celebration my employer threw for being who we are now for the past, you guessed it, 25 years.  

It was held at a swanky club across from our office.  You have to be a member there to wipe your feet on the mat outside the door.  They don't care if you're wearing $75 socks inside your $800 shoes.  Your soles will not touch their marble floors if you ain't a member.  If you are a member, your shoes probably do cost that much.

It was a high class affair with the finest libations and food with fancy sounding names I could not pronounce. After sampling a bite of something being passed around on a silver platter, I asked the server what it was so I could remember it for the next time I found myself surrounded by luxury.  All dignified like, he told me, "That is Salmon Trout Tartare with Pressed Caviar and Tomatoes".  And I said, "I see", as I looked around for some place to spit it out. Thank God I was distracted by the red soles of a pair of Chistian Louboutin 4 inch heels attached to a Senator's feet.

The rooms got smaller as people continued to pour in.

Clients, politicians, dignitaries, elected officials, lobbyists, business men and women and lots of security.   I assumed that was due to the Governor's presence, but  apparently the security was there to keep an eye on me.

After most of the guests had had enough of drinking and eating fancy stuff, our celebration whittled down to just a few of us.  I told the business director what a great job she'd done organizing it all and how very much I loved one of the centerpieces.  It was roughly the size of a baby giraffe.  "Take it with you," she said.  And so I did.  

I carried that gorgeous arrangement out of that room, down the long elegant staircase and through the lobby of that members only club and out into the street.  

We had parked a block away and almost made it to our car when two "gentlemen" approached me and stated they would need to take that arrangement from me.  That it did not belong to me.  

They did not believe me when I told them my boss had given it to me.  That it had been paid for by my employer.  No, they relieved me of it, found my boss back at the club and told her one of her employees had stolen it.

Oh boy.  

Big mistake Barney Fife.

She went into Mama giraffe mode.

I went to work this morning with a hint of a hangover headache and learned my name had been cleared.   She even got my flowers back for me.  

I'm not going to mention the cute little silver shrimp fork I found in my purse when I got home last night.  You never know when you might need something to protect yourself with while breaking a baby giraffe out of a zoo.